How to Spot a Canadian

Tracking down Canadians one toque at a time.

About this Site...

Canadians are a tricky people to distinguish. They are often able to blend into a society and appear to be American, British, French or any other number of nationalities. This site will provide you with some tips and tricks to help you recognize a Canadian no matter where you are.

 

This site is for entertainment purposes only. "How to Spot a Canadian" is filled with humour, satire, hyperbole, parody and sarcasm. All statements here should be taken with a grain of salt or a bottle of maple syrup, whatever the case may be.

Their National Hero is Honoured in Chocolate

The War of 1812 saw American forces battle with the British. We've already talked about how the war led to the creation of the Star Spangled Banner and the birth of Canadian pyromania. What we haven't mentioned was that a popular Canadian symbol was born during this time as well.

In 1813 American soldiers invaded what is now Canada. While they were there, they used several civilian homes as sleeping quarters their troops. One of these homes was Laura Secord's. While the American officers stayed in her home they discussed plans for a surprise attack. Apparently they incorrectly assumed that the British were deaf as they talked about their secret plans loudly enough for Laura Secord to overheard them. She decided that the British army needed to know about the plans.

Laura walked over 30 kilometres through dangerous terrain to tell the British troops the plan. With the information she gave them the British were able to attack the Americans and defeat them.

Laura Secord's heroism was so great that Canada later presented her with the country's highest honour: having a chocolate store named after her. It isn't widely known, but chocolate recognition is the greatest award a Canadian can be given. If someone argues this point with you, they are clearly lying and they do not understand history. The fact that no other Canadian heroes have a chocolate company named after them shows how truly prestigious this honour is.

Laura Secord Chocolates sells a wide variety of high quality, expensive chocolate. Many pieces of chocolate have an image of Laura imprinted on them. Any true Canadian will proudly salute the chocolate before taking a huge bite out of Laura's head. Canadians will then proceed to eat far too many chocolates and make themselves sick. It's a ritual of respect and thanksgiving. Honestly.

Of course, the Americans did get the last laugh in this matter.

In 2004 Laura Secord was purchased by US-based private equity investment groups Gordon Brothers Group and LLC and EG Capital Group making Laura Secord an American-owned company.

Laura was also honoured with a Heritage Minute. Thanks to that Heritage Minute, "Take me to Fitzgibbon" has become an iconic Canadian line. There is no word as to when the line will be purchased by an American company.
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7 comments:

  1. Skye said...
     

    You know, I never thought of it that way, as a matter of fact, I hadn't even known that Laura Secord Chocolate factory had ultimately been bought by an American company! That is indeed very ironic, and you're right, no other Canadian has ever been given such an honor as that!

  2. Anonymous said...
     

    Actually, Nestle is Swiss.

  3. HowToSpotACanadian.ca said...
     

    ^ Very true.
    My post was actually incorrect.
    Laura Secord is owned by a US company, but it's not Nestle.
    It's owned by US-based private equity investment groups, Gordon Brothers Group, LLC and EG Capital Group (according to their website.)

  4. Tiggy said...
     

    I'll look forward to nibbling on a chocolate Sidney Crosby; perhaps less so on a cocoa-flavoured Neil Young.

  5. HowToSpotACanadian.ca said...
     

    It could be worse. You could end up eating a chocolate Celine Dion.

  6. Mike said...
      This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
  7. Dawn said...
     

    I love how much of Canadian catch phrases come from those Heritage Minutes :)

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