How to Spot a Canadian

Tracking down Canadians one toque at a time.

About this Site...

Canadians are a tricky people to distinguish. They are often able to blend into a society and appear to be American, British, French or any other number of nationalities. This site will provide you with some tips and tricks to help you recognize a Canadian no matter where you are.

 

This site is for entertainment purposes only. "How to Spot a Canadian" is filled with humour, satire, hyperbole, parody and sarcasm. All statements here should be taken with a grain of salt or a bottle of maple syrup, whatever the case may be.

Their Leader Defends Himself With Native Art

Most countries around the world protect their leaders with the highest level of security available. They have their own security forces and dangerous people are kept away from them at all cost. I'm pretty sure if you even looked at Barack Obama the wrong way you would be jumped by six members of the Secret Service.

But that doesn't seem to be true in Canada.

In 1995 a man walked into the Canadian Prime Minister's home with the intent to murder him.

Not only did the armed man manage to get into the house, but he spent 20 minutes roaming the grounds first. He then spent an additional 30 minutes inside the home before he was spotted by Prime Minister Jean Chrétien's wife Aline.

Yes, a strange man with murderous intentions and a knife was given almost an hour to strut around the Prime Minister's home like he owned the place.

Okay, you probably think that's weird, but I'm guessing that you assume that he was arrested the moment he was noticed, right?

Nope. Apparently a crazy person trying to kill the Prime Minister isn't a good enough reason for anyone to rush into action.

Once Aline Chrétien noticed the man she ran into the bedroom and locked the door with herself and her husband inside. She then called for help. Another few minutes passed before the RCMP showed up to arrest the man. They were probably late because they stopped at a Tim Hortons drive through first, or maybe there was a good hockey game on.

Once the man was arrested the Canadian public was left wondering what went wrong.

Did the RCMP screw up? Did no one notice the man, despite the fact that he walked past several security cameras? Are Canadians really so trusting that they did not want to interrupt this man's private tour of the home? Was everyone so busy fighting of polar bears that they didn't have time to help the Prime Minister?

No, nothing was done because the Canadian Prime Minister can defend himself.

That's right, in Canada you don't just elect a leader, you elect someone who can drop the gloves and start a good old hockey fight if need be.

You see, the Prime Minister, while locked in his bedroom, armed himself. Of course, this is Canada and there aren't guns in every drawer and under every bed, so the Prime Minister protected himself with a solid piece of Canadian culture: an Inuit carving of a loon. That's right, the same loon that graces the Canadian dollar also protected the head of Canadian parliament. What a noble bird.

For what it's worth, less than a year later the Prime Minister once again took matters into his own hands when he grabbed and shoved a protester out of the way.

A good way to spot a Canadian is to ask them how easy it would be to attack their leader. People from other nations will either be appalled at the idea or they will recoil away, fearing the possible punishment for even thinking of such an act. Not a Canadian though.

A Canadian will laugh and tell you about all the times that the Prime Minister has almost been attacked and let you know that it's harder to get a free Timbit than it is to attack the head of government.

It's this Canadian belief that everyone is peaceful and no one wishes any harm to anyone that makes Canadians so easy to spot. It will also make their nation quite easy to take over one day, when the United States runs out of natural resources.

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