How to Spot a Canadian

Tracking down Canadians one toque at a time.

About this Site...

Canadians are a tricky people to distinguish. They are often able to blend into a society and appear to be American, British, French or any other number of nationalities. This site will provide you with some tips and tricks to help you recognize a Canadian no matter where you are.

 

This site is for entertainment purposes only. "How to Spot a Canadian" is filled with humour, satire, hyperbole, parody and sarcasm. All statements here should be taken with a grain of salt or a bottle of maple syrup, whatever the case may be.

They Produce "Canadian Versions" of International Entertainment

Canadians love entertainment from around the world. They all wish they could have the same dry humour as the British or the same cool attitudes as the Americans. But they don't. The kind of shows that are produced in Canada about Canadians are shows like Anne of Green Gables and Degrassi. It's not exactly blockbuster entertainment.

So, to deal with this problem and avoid having to think up too many original ideas, Canadians have taken to having "Canadian Versions" of their favourite shows.

Do you like American Idol? That's great! You'll love Canadian Idol! Are you a fan of Deal of No Deal? Well wait until you see Deal or No Deal Canada!

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire: Canadian Edition, So You Think You Can Dance Canada, Project Runway Canada. They're all there and they're all trying to be like their international counterparts.

But it doesn't stop with shows. No, Canadians take entire networks and create Canadian versions. Ever watch MTV Canada? Neither has anyone else. (Except maybe the writers of 30 Rock.)

Of course these networks are nothing but bastardized versions, created to calm the Canadians down before they riot through the igloos of Toronto, brandishing snow shoes and screaming for more poutine. They're not any good. MTV Canada doesn't even have a license to play music (not that the actual MTV plays any music these days.)

But Canadians, in their quest to be something more than maple syrup-loving dog sledders, have taken it a step further. They've created "rip off channels" that pretend to be like famous international stations.

Canadians don't get Showtime but they can watch Showcase. In Canada you can't watch Comedy Central but you can spend as long as you want tuning into The Comedy Network. And so it goes on.

This disturbing trend has even moved out of the realm of television and into other forms of entertainment. Canadians can get their Internet services provided to them by AOL Canada which, yes, stands for "America Online Canada." It doesn't make sense to anyone so don't ask.

Those Canadians are definitely a confusing bunch, which is why it is often so difficult to spot them.

Using the knowledge you just learned, however, will give you an advantage.

If you suspect someone of being Canadian just sit them down and have them watch substandard versions of international programming. A true Canadian will feel right at home and maybe even give you a "This show's pretty good, eh?"

Then you will know that you've found a Canadian.

4 comments:

  1. Geoff said...
     

    Oh, I hope you're being ironic. Because you'd have to live under a rock to not know that "Millionaire" and "Idol" were both British shows that were Americanized. See also: "The Office", "All in the Family", "Sanford and Son", "Three's Company"... should I go on?

  2. HowToSpotACanadian.ca said...
     

    Oh believe me, it's all a joke.

    Hopefully it's funny or I will have to head back to my igloo in shame and drown my sorrows in reruns of "Canada's Next Top Model."

  3. Geoff said...
     

    It's so funny we should both have to watch "Sesame Park" together. ;)

  4. HowToSpotACanadian.ca said...
     

    Sesame Park almost deserves its own post, with the stereotypical Canadian characters like the polar bear.

    I'd forgotten about that one!

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